forgiveness.
“Those who cooperate most fully with forgiveness are those who dance most freely in the beauty of redemption.”
Last night, on the eve of another date that rings loudly in my mind, I found myself sitting and pondering.
Reflecting.
And continuing to learn how to live out forgiveness.
Over the last few weeks I have been reading Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst, and let me tell you, whoa! It’s deep, raw, and one that will cause you to think harder than you have in a long while. Or at least that has been my experience. It has been a book that I am having to work through rather slowly, I can’t sit down and power through chapters before bed, and then roll over and go to sleep. It is more of a chapter a night kind of book, time to read and time to think. And if I’m honest, there are some nights where I only get a few pages in and I just close the book. Too much. Can’t do it. And real talk, I just don’t want to do it. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to process anymore, I’ve done enough of that already… or so I tell myself.
But, the next night, I pick it back up. Continuing to read.
Forgiveness | the act of forgiving (to cease to feel resentment against).
That seems easy enough, right? Just cease to feel anger, sadness, or resentment. No big deal. Just stop it! (Bob Newhart, anyone?) Tell someone you’ve forgiven them, allow them to accept your forgiveness, and move on. Easy peasy.
Hardly.
Let me stop for a quick second and say this… forgiveness is applicable no matter the situation.
The damaged relationship.
The hurt feelings.
The broken trust.
The ended friendship.
The spoken or written words that you weren’t supposed to read.
So. Much. Hurt.
It’s all around us. And we’ve all been in a moment, or many many moments, where we’ve had to decide to forgive or not.
In the book Lysa refers to these defining moments as her “BC - Before Crisis” and “AD - After Devastation” and as I sit here tonight, writing in my own AD time frame, those definitions seem very real.
Ok, continuing on…
Forgiveness is not something that comes easily for us. We try so hard to live out what we know we should do, and for me, I’ve found myself saying “who am I not to offer forgiveness, after all, I am offered the utmost forgiveness and grace each and every day.” And that’s all VERY TRUE! I have been given that most precious gift, and I am to give it, without a doubt. But, how you work through that is different for all of us. As I’ve read, I’ve felt a lot of emotions that I think I’ve done a pretty great job of burying over the years.
Were the words of forgiveness that I offered not genuine? Did I really not have the forgiveness to give, I was just trying to move on? Was my mouth (and fingers) saying something because they knew it that was the “right” thing to do, yet my heart wasn’t quite sure?
I don’t know. At that moment I truly felt like I was doing the right thing, and I do believe deep down that I was doing the best I could in that moment to offer forgiveness as I knew it. But, I’ve come to realize there is still more to do. And it’s all for myself.
“But you can decide that the one who hurt you doesn’t get to decide what you do with your memories. Your life can be a graceful combination of beautiful and painful. You don’t have to put either definitive label on what was. If can be both-and.”
I get to decide. What a beautiful concept. I don’t have to trash all memories. Just because there is pain, it does not have to replace the good? Even just typing that out makes my heart race a little bit, how can that be the case? How can the pain not just smear all of the {really} good into ground and stomp on it until it’s no longer visible? That’s what I have tried to, make it go away. But then I read this… “It is necessary for you to not let pain rewrite your memories. And it’s absolutely necessary not to let pain ruin your future.”
YES! YES! YES!
Pain, you can’t over take the good from the past, and you SURE ARE NOT taking the REALLY, REALLY GOOD from my future.
As I’ve found myself back on the road of forgiveness that I thought I had left in the dust years ago, my heart is expanding, and learning so much. I am learning to walk confidently with the Lord away from the hurt (even on those days that trigger memories), and toward the most incredible healing and freedom. It’s a process, for sure. But, one that I want to learn to fully embrace. My ability to forgive (no matter the situation) is solely based on me leaning in to Jesus. His grace is flowing to me, and it’s up to me to allow it to flow through me!
Offering forgiveness doesn’t always mean you never hurt or feel pain. It doesn’t mean that days won’t be hard, or that tears will not come when you least expect them. And it doesn’t always mean that you will be able to forget what caused the pain, but what it does mean is that you can replace the bitterness that you’ve been harboring (even when you didn’t realize it) and find compassion and freedom!
The Lord doesn’t expect us to forget, after-all, in scripture the only time that forgetting is mentioned is when He speaks of forgetting (remembering no more) our sins! Hallelujah, aren’t you glad that He is able to forget our sins, and remembers them no more? (Hebrews 8:12)… I know I sure am.
My healing relies on two people. Me and Jesus.
That’s it. It can’t be based or conditional on anyone else, or their desire to be forgiven.
What reassurance! Blessed assurance.
So, as I’ve rambled on for probably way too long, I want to encourage you friends as I preach to myself too…
We can heal, forgive, and trust God. And those beautiful realities can’t be held up by any one else.
You can do it.
And so can I.
I could continue writing, and maybe in a follow up post I will expound on more than I am learning, but for now I want to tell you this… You are loved. Seen. And worthy of every ounce of forgiveness that is offered to you from our Father. Allow Him to walk this road with you, and to replace those bitter moments with His compassion and love. It will be FAR more valuable that any of that other mess that’s been holding you hostage (even in your subconscious) for so long.
Thank you for hanging with me as I process through writing, I hope some of this spoke to your heart too.
Here’s to dancing freely in the beauty of redemption!
Join me?
PS - I highly recommend reading this book. If you order it, let me know, I’d love to chat about it with you.