be still, Katelyn.
I’ve never been very good at sitting still. I am either going non-stop, or I am asleep. And, if my body is not moving, and I’m not asleep, my mind is likely moving 90 to nothing. But rest assured, I am not one who struggles to sleep, it’s bizarre. To be so busy, yet not struggle to sleep is a true gift, that is for sure.
To further my point, even as a young child I was given the nickname “Bizzy Lizzy”, boy, talk about foreshadowing. Even then I couldn’t sit still to watch TV or read, I was on. the. go. All of the “classic movies” that kids know and love, yeah, I’ve likely never seen them. I had to be forced to watch TV as a child, and when I did, I would fall asleep. What can I say! *shrugs*
So, knowing that back story, you might not be surprised by the story that I am going to recount below. And you for sure will not be surprised when I tell you that the Lord will allow things to take place in our lives that we would never ask for just to get our attention.
One year ago today, the Lord got my attention BIG time. I was on vacation with my family. We were having the BEST time. Hiking, exploring, taking more pictures than necessary, and laughing more than anything. It certainly consisted makings of a vacation for the books, one that would go down in history as an all time favorite. And, even considering this little extra lesson from the Lord that began while on vacation, it is still one of my most favorite vacations, ever.
Isn’t it funny how what happens and what you’re doing does not really seem to be as important when you are with the people that you love most. You could literally be doing just about anything with them and it would be the absolute best. It’s true, and that’s how our Out West Adventure of 2020 will always be remembered.
Ok, Katelyn, get to the point.
One year ago today. That’s the day that I made one jump at Toquerville Falls (read middle of nowhere, down a REALLY long 4-Wheel drive only dirt road), and came up with an ankle that was snapped on both sides.
Whatttt?
Yep.
Jumped in fine, came up knowing that we had a real problem. With assistance, I got to the side, they stabilized by foot with a Ziploc of ice, a beach towel, and a detachable bathing suit strap. Yep, talk about resourceful! My family is super smart, what can I say. And then, bless ‘em, they had to evacuate my tail from that canyon. I’ll forever be grateful that there were so many with us that day. Once loaded up in the truck, we took a trip to the ER, had x-rays, was told I’d have to have surgery. *insert bawling at this point. We were to hike The Narrows in two days and I was now going to miss it * They then splinted my ankle tightly and handed me some crutches that would be with me for the duration of our trip… Lovely.
And here is where my learning began. For the next few days, instead of hiking, I was hanging out at the Air BnB, reading, napping, watching a documentary on Garth Brooks, and eating Dark Chocolate Reese’s Thins (my favorite comfort food). It was what the next 7+ weeks were going to look like, I just didn’t yet realize that fully.
We finished out our vacation - seeing more of Utah, The Grand Canyon, (attempting) to see the Hoover Dam, and Las Vegas (that’s another story for another day), all with my crutches in tow. I mean, who has time to slow down or sit in the car, there are incredible sights to see, and you know this girl will do ANYTHING to keep from missing an adventure.
We returned home, a few days later my ankle was all put back together, and I was on the road to being back to normal. But, that road was MUCH longer than I had anticipated. It was not only a long road physically, but I think mentally it was even worse. Forced to sit. Forced to not workout, run, drive, go to the kitchen and cook, nothing. Forced to do nothing.
And that is when it hit me like a lead balloon. “Katelyn, I’ve tried to get your attention in other ways, I’ve tried to slow you down, but you are a little hard of hearing. I need you to focus on me, to listen, to BE STILL.” The Lord was speaking to me, and He had allowed me to be in a situation that was unlike anything I had ever experienced before so that I would be in a different posture to listen better.
The weeks that followed surgery were tough, towards the end of my recovery I truly felt there was a little bit of depression seeping into my heart and I had to quickly remember what He had been teaching me. It’s ok to be still. It’s ok to not be on the go 24/7. It’s ok to miss a few things here and there. And most importantly, being still lets me REST IN HIM. It lets Him be in control of my life and not me. Ouch.
Anyone else ever have to learn the hard way? I know I am not alone, we all struggle with “letting go and letting God.” We think we know best. We think that we somehow have the best plan for our lives, but friends, I have news for us (me AND you), we don’t. We do not even come close to having the best plan or knowing even the next right step to take without our Father’s hand being there to guide us.
Do I love my new hardware in my ankle, not particularly… but I will tell you this, those scars on my right foot serve as a quick reminder to me that I need to Be Still. That being so busy that I can’t hear the Lord speaking to me is never a good place to be, and it most certainly is a place I never want to be. I want to be close to my Father, listening to Him speak, trusting His hand, and following His lead.
His lead. His voice.
Not mine.
If you’ve made it this far, you deserve an award, that was a LOT… but, my heart and my fingers felt this deep in our bones today and couldn’t keep it all in.
Be still, wait patiently for Him.
Psalms 37.7
Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
Psalms 46.10
Friends, learn with me (because I am still far from perfect), let’s lean in, learn to rest, and to sit with our Father. I am thankful for those moments where my broken ankle lead to a broken spirit that was still so that I could hear His voice above the busyness.