crazy {bow tie} faith…
Gather ‘round, it’s time for a story…
A story that’s been in the making for several years. It’s a good one, I promise.
It was love at first sight. And that first sight was on April 6, 2019. I had stepped into a small store in the Blue Ridge Mountains of north Georgia. I was immediately drawn to the wall of bow ties made of feathers. I had never seen such and I was fascinated. The different colors, styles, and types of bird feathers were so incredible, and the workmanship was impeccable.
I was in Blue Ridge with some of my most favorite girls as a little senior trip for them before they graduated high school. I joked with them often about finding me a husband, and some of them took that task quite seriously. They were a huge part of my healing journey. And, forever I will be so grateful for that time with them…. ok, back to the bow tie...
While we walked around that small shop I kept going back to those bow ties, why, I don’t know. I was single as could be and had not been on a date in more years than I’d like to admit. But, a girl can dream, right? I looked a Jodi, who was with me that day, and said “I should buy this bow tie for my future husband.” But, being single as a Pringle, spending the money on that bow tie felt ridiculous. Jodi kept encouraging me to buy it, but I just couldn’t let myself do it. So I walked away that day, with only pictures of my newest love in tow.
As the years past, I thought often about that little wooden box with the feather bow tie in it. I followed Brackish on Instagram, and I dreamed. I would stalk their page, watch as they rolled out new designs, and would ooo and ahh as they posted about people who had worn their Brackish bow tie in their wedding. I mean, that sounded like pure perfection to a girl who could only lean in and hope that one day she too would have a wedding.
You see, during those moments of dreaming about somebody to wear a durn bow tie, I was really struggling with my singleness. I was living life content with where I was, because I was smack in the middle of some of the greatest days of my life, but deep down there was a struggle that I didn’t talk about. A longing that I just didn’t feel would ever be satisfied. I trusted the Lord and His plan for my life, but during those days I had convinced myself that marriage and a husband was not a part of His plan for me. And so that bow tie was just a dream, along with the rest of the desires of my heart. I would wait. I would trust. I would *hopefully* have a husband one day and I’d buy him that bow tie if that time came.
… and then came a podcast and a little saying that changed how I viewed that dream of being a wife.
Crazy Faith…
It’s only crazy until it happens.
One afternoon in September 2021 while I was baking I was listening to a podcast with Annie F. Downs. This was not an uncommon occurrence, I listened to Annie a lot while I was baking. But, that day was different. Mike Todd was her guest that day and his message about Crazy Faith rocked my world. (want to hear the entire message, click here). During the episode Mike and Annie talked about things that we longed for. Our desires. Things that the Lord has placed on our hearts. And repeatedly they talked about having crazy faith, believing for those things.
Now, I know what you’re thinking… we can’t just “believe” and it will happen, it doesn’t work that way. Just because it’s what “I want” doesn’t mean it’s God’s plan and/or will for my life. And you’re right. I believe that too, and so does Mike and Annie. As Mike was speaking about Crazy Faith, he talked about that when we believe we are believing in the fact that the Lord CAN, not necessarily that He WILL. He is FULLY capable of giving us the desires of our hearts, and MORE, but sometimes (or in my case, most of the time) the desires of our hearts and His will are not the same thing, and in those moments He works to adjust our hearts and desires to align with His heart. No matter what we are believing Him for, He is more than capable. The problem lies in our hearts, we don’t always rest in that. We don’t fully trust that His ways and His will are much, much higher than ours. And that His will and His ways are so much greater than we could ever think or imagine. Immeasurably more, if you will.
During the course of the podcast, Pastor Mike asked “what is that thing you are longing for but can’t even fathom having right now?” Is it a baby and you’re suffering from infertility or aren’t in a place to have a baby? Is it owning a house and you are so far in debt that the dream seems crazy? Or what about a dream job that you couldn’t even begin to qualify for at the moment? Or, in my case, a husband that seems to be so far from me that getting married couldn’t possibly a reality? The list could go on and on, what is that dream of your heart? Think about it. Do you pray for it? Do you TRULY believe that the Lord is possible to give you that desire? And do you trust that even though that is YOUR dream, that His plan might be different and that’s ok?
As I listened, Pastor Mike issued a challenge. Go buy the key chain for that house key that you long to own. Go buy a onesie. Go back to school or begin preparing for that job. Buy/get/do something to remind you to pray, and dream, for that longing. But, remember, just because you buy that item and believe for that answer, it does not mean you will receive it. It is just a reminder to believe for what the Lord is CAPABLE of!!
I listened to Mike and Annie, more than once, actually, and what I took away from the challenge he presented was this - go buy that bow tie. Believe for that husband. Trust that the Lord has my heart and dreams in the palm of His hand and nothing can snatch them away. That He is working on my behalf to bring me exactly what I need and when I need it. Lean in, Katelyn, trust Him completely, even on the days that you feel like that is too difficult or unbelievably hard. Father, make my heart believe.
So, along comes October 8, 2021. A day that had held a grip on my heart for the last 10 years. Every year it rolled around. Every year I struggled. Every year I cried knowing that I wasn’t getting to celebrate what was supposed to be my wedding anniversary. While I was so thankful to have been rescued from what would have been so much more traumatic than what I did experience, it was still painful. I felt stuck, with no end in sight to the season of singleness that I had been walking for so many years. Had the Lord forgotten the desires of my heart? Had He decided that I wasn’t meant to be a wife? Was I being called to singleness forever? Those were all thoughts that I wrestled with, often, if I’m being honest. But, He kept pressing on my heart to reclaim that day in my life, to put a stake in the ground that it was going to be a beacon of HOPE instead of a day full of dread. And so I sent a text to my cousin and Jodi… “I’m going to buy that bow tie on Friday” (which would have been my 10th wedding anniversary). And that’s just what I did. I drove to Brombergs, walked in, found the perfect one, and walked out with a beacon of HOPE, this little beauty.
Now, don’t hear me say that just because I bought this bow tie that I had full confidence that the Lord was going to give me a husband or that I didn’t struggle, but I was hopeful and it was so pretty that I just dreamed about my wedding with it sitting where I could see its cute little box every day. Trust me, I most certainly made plans for what I would do with the bow tie if in many years some guy had not worn it. Who would I give it to? Would I just throw it away? There was a Plan B, for sure. :) I was still struggling, but trying to lean in to my crazy faith, because “It’s only crazy until it happens”, right?
Anddddd. For the part you’ve all been waiting on.
The day it all changed.
Or at least the day that gave me hope that there might be some change coming.
Just 9 days after buying this little gem Drew asked me to coffee. Ok, so we know it turned into a concert date in Atlanta, instead, but that’s neither here nor there. It caught me so off guard, and no, that night I didn’t immediately think about the bow tie or the fact that Drew might be the one to wear it, but my heart did feel so much encouragement after so many years of the exact opposite in the world of dating and longing for a relationship and husband. Do I believe that just because I bought that bow tie that the Lord led Drew to ask me out, not at all. But, I do wholeheartedly believe that the Lord had been waiting for me to FULLY surrender that area of my life to Him. I thought that I had, but I think I was still holding on to some deep hurt, pain, and control with that little date full of dread each year. I think that the purchase of that little feathery beauty allowed the Lord to truly open my eyes to His plan and gave me a contentment that I didn’t know possible. And, that in itself, was a true gift.
Not long after Drew and I started dating, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that HE would be THE one to (hopefully) wear the bow tie. I had prepared myself for him to not like it, and for him to just keep it as a reminder of my persistent prayers and trusting for him… but, I wouldn’t give up hope on him wearing it until I was able to give it to him. :)
And, in March of this year, after he had proposed, I planned a special little stop in Chattanooga on our way to see our sweet Barb and Honey in East TN. We sat by the river and I handed him the box and read this letter to him as he opened it. It told him the whole story. I wanted him to know how special this little bow tie was…
And y’all. It was perfect in every way. He loved it as much as I’d hoped. And that day we sat there and dreamed about how he would wear it in just a few months on OUR WEDDING DAY! I could finally tell him that I’d been planning an entire wedding around a bow tie, I mean, the colors had to work with what HE was going to be wearing. ;-)
This story of this little bow tie is my favorite. Not because of the bow tie. Or because of anything that I have done. But because of what it taught me about trusting the Lord. It taught me that my faith is not dependent on anything of me. Yes, I knew that before, but this tangible display did a lot for my heart.
On August 13, 2022 when I walked down the aisle to this handsome man, wearing his bow tie, I could not help but smile, and shed a few tears. The Lord is faithful. He had been hearing my cries, and He had been preparing Drew just for me. No, I still don’t always understand His timing, but I do know that it’s perfect. And I know even more so now that I have to lean in hard and trust that fully, even when I don’t want to, and even when I want to be in control.
Drew Sprayberry, I could not be more thankful that YOU are the one who the Lord prepared for me. That you are the one who got to be a part of Him teaching me so much about His faithfulness. You are the sweetest of gifts to me, and your love for that little tie made of guinea feathers makes my heart smile so much.
I adore you.
I love you.
And I can’t wait for all that the Lord has planned for our future. Let’s dream big, babe, after all, it’s only crazy until it happens!
Thank you, Mike Todd and Annie F. Downs for allowing the Lord to speak through you, the words you spoke radically changed me.
Friends, I hope that you have been challenged and that you will think about your “crazy faith” moment. Trust me, just because I’ve found the one whom my soul loves does not mean that I’ve lost that crazy faith. Now we are dreaming BIG things together!
Wedding pictures courtesy of Allison J. Naylor.