Sometimes we ask why.
It all began when I was 13.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
Getting the phone call that my first baby cousin had been born.
To tell you that I was smitten, over the moon, could hardly contain myself would be more than an understatement. He was the first baby we had welcomed into the family since Seth was born, so the first baby in almost 10 years. See, beyond thrilled. And, after that year, we welcomed a new baby almost every year for several years and it was pure joy. To date, this Katie, has 14 little (and not so little) loves who are her world!
Some days I really struggle with “why”. Why am I not married? Why has the Lord not blessed me with kiddos to add to the pack? Why will all of my sweet loves be grown and not around to love on my (potential) kids one day? Why will my (potential) children not have cousins around like I did to grow up with?
Why? Why? Why? And likely more whys, if I’m being honest.
But, the Lord continues to remind me of my “why”… at least for this season of life. The answer doesn’t always erase the pangs of those whys from above, but it sure does make for some incredibly sweet days that I truly wouldn’t trade for the world.
What is that why, you may be wondering?
It’s uninterrupted, undivided family time.
It’s Icees, cookies, and Açaí Bowls before taking them home.
It’s watching them at football games without other plans getting in the way.
It’s church plays, graduations, and birthday parties.
It’s staying with them while their parents are gone to dinner or are out of town.
It’s watching them start driving and going to prom.
It’s nights on the couch binge watching Fuller House.
It’s Alabama football games with excessive yelling.
It’s vacations, lake days, and summer BBQs.
It’s so so much.
It’s being their Katie/KK.
Now, I know what you are thinking… you could still do those things if you were married and if you had kids of your own. And yes, would be correct. But, it would be much different. My time would be much more limited, split in many more ways, with more people needing my attention. I couldn’t decide on a whim to catch the play on a Tuesday night, or the band concert on Thursdays. My time on holidays would be divided, and I would miss a good bit of time watching them open Christmas gifts or chasing each other around the yard with their new Nerf guns. It would be different.
Would that different be bad, nope, not at all. And would I love every second of that “other life”, 1000%. But, that is not where I am. And that allows me to find the gratefulness in this season, and see this extra time with these kids as my “why.”
They are hilarious, creative, sneaky, musical, and most importantly, they ALL love Jesus with their entire hearts. Watching them grow is one of the greatest delights of my life.
While I may not have actual siblings or nieces and nephews, I have this crew (and their parents, the OG’s in my world), and that is exactly what and who I need. They are gifts straight from the Lord, and while they may not know that He is using them to teach me lessons in life, they are, each and every moment that we exchange texts, spend time together, or embrace with some of the worlds best hugs.
If you haven’t noticed by now as you’ve scrolled down, I could literally wallpaper several walls with the plethora of pictures and memories that I have of these precious souls. Almost 20 years of watching each of them grow up. As a 13 year old kid myself, I had no idea what the next 20 years would hold, and I for sure had no clue how much they would mean to me. At that moment I could not have known that I was capable of loving them like I do. They they could all be mine and I wouldn’t think twice about it.
I am so incredibly thankful that my growing family still finds it incredibly important for us to all be together. To celebrate together. To share in these moments of life together. It’s a rare occasion in many families these days, but not for this group. Together is one of our favorite places to be, especially when places like the lake or Alabama football are involved. ;)
So, today as you may be asking a bunch of “why” questions to the Lord, stop and look at what is going on around you, those moments might just help you see the “why” for this season. Trust me, I am not in any way telling you that it will take away the desires for those “whys” to be answered with the longings of your heart, but I am 100% saying that the moments around you just might be the balm that your soul needs. They just might be the sweetest reminder of your “for such a time as this…”
Thank you Jesus for this reminder, especially over the last few weeks.
Thank you for the conversations with some of these babes that remind me of YOU, and remind me that I am right where you want me to be right now.
Thank you for allowing me the joy of being their Katie/KK, it is one of my greatest delights.
JA, Alex, Mia, Cam, Eli, Chloe, Zeke, Valery, Lily, Tyson, Savannah, Olivia, Piper, and Charlotte - Katie/KK loves you all more than life itself. Thank you for being my why, and for reminding me of the kindness of Jesus with every moment that we spend together. You are lights of our Savior, even when you don’t even realize it.
I remember when my heart changed with JA’s birth it was like it was yesterday.
And I want to remember each moment with these gifts in the same way.
They are really stellar “whys” and the gift of time with them soothes my soul.
Sometimes we ask why.
Sometimes He answers with what we want.
And sometimes He answers with gifts that we didn’t even know we needed to ask for.
That is my why… to be Katie/KK and love every single second of it.
And when there is a new why, then that too will be a gift.